Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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