so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
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Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
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He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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