someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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