A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
