My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
