Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
