he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
