If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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