I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize