fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
