dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
