Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
