I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize