she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
