My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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