If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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