Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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