i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
