Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
