Got a toothbrush?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
