My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
