Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(804): View more from Virginia

No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.

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(804): No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat. http://tfl.nu/b9yx

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(914): View more from New York

This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.

(1-914): View more from New York

maybe it's her son

(914): View more from New York

thats not any better.

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(914): This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out. (1-914): maybe it's her son (914): thats not any better. http://tfl.nu/9ktq

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?

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(402): Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy? http://tfl.nu/i95d

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(972): View more from Texas

So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.

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(972): So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office. http://tfl.nu/rm9r

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(845): View more from New York

Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.

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(845): Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science. http://tfl.nu/ee2g

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.

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(412): I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory. http://tfl.nu/1joi

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(366): View more from

just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.

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(366): just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her. http://tfl.nu/eijl

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.

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(774): well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday. http://tfl.nu/vkd1

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(620): View more from Kansas

He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.

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(620): He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time. http://tfl.nu/dyz5

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?

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(413): She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy? http://tfl.nu/obto

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(618): View more from Illinois

I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.

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(618): I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's. http://tfl.nu/uxq5

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(314): View more from Missouri

Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?

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(314): Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences? http://tfl.nu/kgto

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(914): View more from New York

He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.

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(914): He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck. http://tfl.nu/kvtv

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(914): View more from New York

I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.

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(914): I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem. http://tfl.nu/p4yj

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(252): View more from North Carolina

Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.

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(252): Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in. http://tfl.nu/6mb0

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