You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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