How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
