All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
