so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
