My first STD was from a foam party
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
