your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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