Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
