remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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