I'd wear matching sweaters with you
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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