3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
