What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
