i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
