I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
