Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
