I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
