these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
