Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
