$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
