I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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