omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
