My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
