it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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