Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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