...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wish life had little blips of pornography
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
