she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My vagina is officially offended.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
