Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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