I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
