just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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