i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
