So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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