I heard we made out
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
