matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
