What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
