i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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