Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
