we have pet lesbian snakes
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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