Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
please don't ironically join a cult
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