What a fucking waste of an outfit
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Randomize
