I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
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Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
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WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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