Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he shaved USA in his pubs
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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